


This Could Be My Last First Kiss

by orphan_account



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2013-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-26 14:55:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/651550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek's sick, really sick. The kind of sick you don't usually get better from. So, he's resolved himself to the fact he'll probably miss out on a few major life events. When he meets Stiles, a student worker at the hospital, though, he starts to think that maybe he won't miss out on as much as he originally thought he would.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Could Be My Last First Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [ Teen Wolf Superbang. ](http://tnwolfsuperbang.livejournal.com/) You can see the art for this [ here.](http://riverdells.livejournal.com/1160.html) It's pretty incredible!!

Derek was sick of the hospital. He had spent his Thanksgiving there and it looked like he would be spending his Christmas there as well. He just wanted to go home. He was completely sick of all of it. Sick of being prodded with needles. Sick of the bright lights in the hallway keeping him up all night. Sick of laying on his butt all day doing nothing. Sick of pitying looks and people who stood on the opposite side of the room as if he was so fragile he would break in two if they came any closer. He was sick of watching the same TV shows over and over and most of all, he was sick of not having anyone to talk to. 

He didn’t have many friends; something about him seemed to intimidate a lot of people and he had a very low tolerance for bullshit. So, the only people who visited him at all were his uncle and his friend Isaac. The rest of Derek’s family had been killed in various tragedies, picked off one by one by car crashes, and illnesses, and even a murder. Now it seemed like Derek was going to be the next one to go. 

He was moping and he knew it, but he thought he had a right to. He was sick, lonely, and exhausted, why shouldn’t he complain? Before he could wallow in self-pity about his loneliness and sickliness for too long though a rail thin boy with a buzz cut who appeared to be a few years younger than him came in dressed in scrubs. He shifted back and forth looking rather antsy. 

 There was an awkward pause, and Derek shifted his eyes away, feeling embarrassed as the boy spoke up. “Hey, your nurse had to go home early because she’s sick, so they asked me to come around and see if you needed anything before her replacement gets here,” he said. 

Derek was shivering from how cold the room was and the tips of his fingers felt like ice cubes but he hated asking for anything. He could take care of himself, and he didn’t need anybody thinking otherwise. So he set his jaw and shook his head. 

“I’m fine,” he told him, burrowing deeper into the blankets and changing the channel on the TV. 

The boy watched him for a few more seconds before nodding his head and leaving the room. Derek turned over and decided to try and sleep for a while. He drifted off rather quickly due to the pain medicines they had him taking. When he woke up a little while later he could feel a second blanket on top of him and when he looked around there was a note on the table beside his bed. 

_ Hey,  _

_ Your room felt like an ice palace, so I brought you a blanket. I hope that’s okay.  _

It wasn’t signed, but Derek assumed it must have come from the boy who had come by to check on him earlier, which was strange, but not unwelcome. Not even two minutes later, the boy appeared back in the doorframe. He noticed that Derek was reading his note and grinned at him. Derek’s face heated up in embarrassment and he threw the note back on his table.

“Hey, you’re up. Your replacement nurse is running a little late so they asked me to bring you this medicine,” he said crossing the room and handing Derek a little cup of pills and a glass of water. Derek tossed the pills in his mouth and swallowed them with the cup of water. 

“Sorry if the blanket was creepy, or the note was creepier, I just…I’ve spent a lot of time at this hospital and your room felt cold and I know how much colder they get at night,” he said. 

“It’s fine,” Derek said. He shifted uncomfortably underneath the blanket. There was an awkward pause and Derek thought the boy was just going to leave. 

 “Do I know you somehow, by the way? You look really familiar,” he asked instead, lingering beside Derek’s bed. 

“Probably not,” Derek said coldly, shifting some more underneath the blanket. When people recognized him it was usually because he had been pointed out to them as that kid who lost most of his family, or that kid without any friends. Derek didn’t need any more pity than he was already getting, and he especially didn’t need pity from some random kid who worked at the hospital. 

“Okay, well I’ll see you around hopefully,” the boy said, his expression quickly turning into a grimace. “Well, I mean, obviously I hope you get better, and leave the hospital, but I’ll see you around Beacon Hills in general, maybe, and now I’m going to leave before I dig myself into a deeper hole,” he gave Derek a genuinely warm smile and left the room. 

Derek watched him go and tried to settle into the hospital bed and go back to sleep, but before he managed it he heard someone else enter his room. He blinked his eyes back open and saw his uncle. 

“Hey,” Peter said setting a take-out dish on the table beside his bed. “I went by that diner where you always eat earlier and the owner said I had to bring you some of this soup; he said you loved it.”

“Oh,” Derek said, “too bad I probably won’t be able to keep it down.” 

“Probably not, but you should try eating anyway,” his uncle said. Derek shrugged. 

“You can’t just give up, Derek.” 

“I’m not giving up. I just don’t understand the point of eating just to throw it all up,” Derek said tensely. 

“Maybe you won’t throw it up this time.” 

Derek sighed and grabbed the take-out container off the table and swallowed down a few small bites of the potato soup to satisfy his uncle. It was pleasantly warm and just as creamy as Derek remembered, but the smell was making him nauseous. He closed it back up and set it on the table next to him. 

“Maybe later I can eat some more,” he said. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Peter said. “How are you doing today? Have you gotten any sleep?” 

“I’m fine. I was cold earlier but somebody brought me another blanket so I’m good.” 

“Did you actually ask for something you needed? Who are you and what have you done with the real Derek Hale?” Peter asked with an amused smile. 

Derek made a face, rolling his eyes, “You’re a dick, but no, some scrawny kid noticed it was cold in here and just brought me one.” 

“Some scrawny kid? Did he even work here?” 

“Well, I doubt some random kid would bring me a blanket and he was wearing scrubs, but he looked young so I don’t know.” 

“Oh, well, they have some program for high school students here. He’s probably one of them.” 

“Makes sense,” Derek said, yawning.

“You seem sleepy. I’ll let you get some more sleep. Do you want me to hang out in here and read or something or would you rather I go to the waiting room?” 

“You can just go home if you want. I’m doing okay today and I know you could probably use some sleep yourself.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, it’s fine. If I get bored I can just call up Isaac or something.” 

“Okay, I’ll be here tomorrow though for a while. I don’t work or anything. Do you want me to bring you some books or anything then?” 

“Bring me some crossword puzzles or something.” 

“Okay, can do I’ll see you tomorrow.”  

 Late the next day, Derek opened his eyes and could sense the presence of someone else in his room. He thought it was going to be his uncle, but when he gazed blearily around the room his eyes settled on the chair in the corner, and the boy from the day before was sitting in it. Well, no, sitting wasn’t quite the right word; the boy was tucked up in it with his knees pulled to his chest, his chin resting on his knees, and arms twisted around to highlight something in the book he had open in front of him. The position looked wildly uncomfortable but the boy looked content enough to be there. Derek stared at him for a moment in confusion before clearing his throat loudly. 

The boy jerked around with a comically startled expression, before smoothing it out and smiling widely instead, “Hey, uh, sorry, I just realized I never actually introduced myself yesterday. So, I came in here with the intention of doing that but then you were asleep and my dad called and said he couldn’t pick me up just yet,” he paused here for a moment looking embarrassed, “I can drive, my Jeep just needs to be fixed and we only have one other car. Anyway, this chair looked comfortable and I’m sorry this was kind of creepy wasn’t it?” 

“You do realize in all of that you still never introduced yourself, right?” 

“Right, okay, hi, I’m Stiles,” he said taking a few steps forward and reaching out to shake Derek’s hand. Derek reached over and took the offered hand shaking it as hard as he could manage without the pain hitting. He was surprised to find himself liking Stiles so far. Most people at the hospital treated him so weirdly. They talked to him so condescendingly, like he was a five year old with a cold, and they flinched when they touched him. It was as if they thought they could catch this thing that was slowly killing him. Stiles wasn’t though and it was refreshing to be treated like a normal person again. 

“I’m Derek,” he said. 

“I know, I mean, well, I read part of your file,” he paused for a beat, shifting around guiltily before adding, “I’m really not helping my whole not a creep case here am I?” 

“It’s fine,” Derek said, surprised to find himself not as annoyed as he should’ve been. 

At that moment the sheriff popped his head in the door. 

“Hey, Stiles, my phone died so I couldn’t call and tell you I was here and they said you were in here. Oh, hey Derek,” he added nodding toward him. “How are you doing?” 

The sheriff had been in and out of the Hale house a lot when Derek was younger to inform them of and try to help them through some of the times the different members of Derek’s family had died. He had become somewhat of a distant family friend. He was surprised he hadn’t realized that Stiles was his son before, they acted a lot like each other. 

“I’m doing okay, just hoping they’ll let me out of here soon.” 

The sheriff nodded, “Well, I hope they do too.” 

Stiles was looking between the two of them with obvious interest. It looked like he wanted to be filled in on how they knew each other, but he seemed to think it would be better to ask his dad later. 

“I guess we should go, Stiles,” the sheriff said, waving at Derek and heading for the door, “It was nice seeing you again Derek, I wish it had been outside of the hospital though.”

Stiles nodded and followed his dad out the door waving shortly he glanced back over his shoulder at Derek as he went, looking less than enthusiastic about the fact he was leaving. 

Does he really like being at his job that much? Derek wondered.  

“It was nice to see you again too,” Derek called after them. 

After they were gone, Derek shifted around on the bed, trying to get comfortable. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to sleep right now though so he grabbed a book off the table by his bed instead. He always had one there. The hospital was so mind numbingly boring that he sped through a book every few days and was always having to send his uncle to the library to get him a new one.  He hadn’t even managed to finish reading one page of this one, though, when Isaac shuffled in guiltily, one hand scrubbing at the back of his neck and a slight grimace on his face. Derek wasn’t expecting to see him today, he hadn’t been by in a while and they had texted earlier but Isaac hadn’t mentioned anything about dropping by to see him.

“Hey man, I feel like such a jerk. I haven’t been here in way too long. School is just completely kicking my butt. Note to self: never ever take 18 credit hours. One of my professor's let me go early today, though,” he said, crossing the room to sit down and quickly changing the subject, “How are you doing today?” 

“Mainly just bored out of my mind,” Derek said, fidgeting with the heart rate monitor pinned on his finger.

“Have they said anything about letting you go home?” Isaac asked. 

“They mentioned letting me in a few weeks, but something always seems to go wrong before they actually let me out, so I don’t know if it will happen or not.” Derek was so aggravated at all of the doctors, when it really came down to it. He knew they were trying their best. He knew that his illness, and how progressive it had gotten, was hard to manage, but it seemed like they didn’t know what they were doing half the time. It seemed like they just tried injecting him with stuff and giving him medicines and crossed their fingers that it would work, giving him estimates on when he could go home based on how well other people did even though the effectiveness of the treatments varied widely. 

“Ah, well I’ll hope they do.” Isaac said, crossing his fingers with a pleading expression. 

“Thanks,” Derek said with a small laugh. 

Isaac paused for a moment before he got up and held up one of Derek’s Wii remotes, “Do you want to play Mario Kart?” he asked. Derek had his Wii hooked up to the TV in his hospital room. Other than the books, it was the only thing that kept him entertained anymore. 

“Yeah, sure,” he said. Isaac picked up another of the controllers and tossed it toward Derek letting it land on the bed so that Derek could reach it. Derek turned on the system and let Isaac choose the first track. He, predictably, chose Rainbow Road because he always ended up beating Derek on it. Derek was better at the game than Isaac but Rainbow Road was hell in a racecourse and Derek always ended up getting too frustrated at it to play to the best of his abilities.

He and Isaac were harsh competitors and they both always resorted to dirty tactics to try and maintain their lead. So, when Derek chose Mushroom Gorge after Rainbow Road Isaac kept standing up and hovering in front of Derek, blocking his view of the TV at key moments in the game.    

“You are a dirty rotten cheat,” Derek said, when Isaac stood up right as the track dropped off, resulting in Derek’s character falling into the abyss. 

“You should work on your trash talk, I’m hardly quaking in my boots over here,” Isaac replied. 

“Oh, I’m sorry I was trying to keep it clean, I forgot you aren’t actually a ten year old, you just play like one,” Derek said, screwing up his face in concentration and leaning to the side, nearly falling over the rail of his bed in his efforts to see around Isaac. 

“Oo, wow, that was a good one. I’m so wounded to know what you really think of me,” Isaac said, sarcasm lacing his voice.  

Derek just rolled his eyes and redoubled his efforts to pass Isaac again. Twenty-two intense games later, Isaac paused the game, tossing the controller back onto the table. 

“I have to go, man. I have a massive test tomorrow and I have to get some studying in. I’ll come back by soon though, okay?” 

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Derek said, trying not to let his voice betray the disappoint he felt in being left alone again. 

Isaac smiled at him, and turned the TV off before leaving the room, turning to wave briefly before going through the door. 

The next day, a Saturday, around noon Stiles poked his head through the door, “Apparently this nurse they always assign to you isn’t a very good one, because after not finishing her shift yesterday she is running late today. Do you need me to get you anything before she shows up?” 

“Nah, I’m feeling okay, and I still have the spare blanket you brought me yesterday so I’m good,” Derek said, resolutely staring at a patch on the wall. 

“Are you sure?” 

“I mean, I really want to go to Taco Bell and get some real food for a change, but I don’t think it’s within your authority to release me,” Derek said. 

“Well, yeah, I think if I tried to help you break out I would probably lose my job, but I could go to Taco Bell and sneak you back a taco on my break. I get one in like half an hour,” Stiles said, grinning at him.

“Are you serious? You would do that?” Derek asked, shifting his eyes closer to Stiles but still not making eye contact. 

“Yeah, it’s not a big deal. I need to get some lunch anyway and I love Taco Bell.” Stiles said, moving farther into the room, hovering right above Derek’s face so that no one else would hear their conversation. “What do you want?” he whispered.

“Just a couple of tacos. You don’t have to though. I’m fine,” Derek said, shifting away from Stiles a little bit.

“It’s fine, I promise. I’m not doing it because you’re sick or anything like that. I know how annoying it is when people treat you weird or special because you’re going through a hard time. I’m just doing it because I really don’t mind. It’s not a big deal, and everyone should be able to eat tacos.” Stiles said, shrugging.

Derek nodded, appreciating the sentiment. 

“So, I’ll see you soon,” he said, nodding and heading back out the door backwards, turning around at the doorway to dramatically whisper, “With tacos!”

Derek turned the TV on, letting some show about a town full of fairy tale characters wash over him. He let his mind wander, and he couldn’t help but think about Stiles. The show seemed like something he would like. Not that Derek knew what Stiles would like,  he was just some kid that worked at the hospital and occasionally had to drop in to bring  him things, but there was something about Stiles’ frenetic activity that made Derek think he would be interested in stuff like this. 

He found himself getting sucked into the show and before long he looked up to see Stiles in his doorway, triumphantly holding up a bag of Taco Bell. 

“I thought I was going to get caught bringing this here,” he said, walking over to Derek and handing him a couple of tacos out of the bag. “This one nurse who totally has it out for me was watching me like a hawk.”

“Nurse Shirley?” Derek asked, pulling a disgusted face.

“Oh my god, yes,” Stiles said. 

“She’s terrible. She’s such a bitch,” Derek replied. “One time, I asked her for some more water after she brought me my medicine and she gave me a look with such murderous intent that I honestly thought she was going to stab me in the stomach.” 

“Well, I’m glad that she isn’t just focusing all her energy on me or anything. But ugh, yes, she’s horrible. She kept eyeing the Taco Bell bag and I finally just looked at her and was like, ‘I’m pretty sure I’m allowed to eat whatever I want on my break.’” 

“I can’t believe you actually brought me tacos. You are a god,” Derek said, unwrapping one and biting into it ravenously, “It has been so long since I had food that didn’t totally suck ass.” 

“Just don’t let anyone see you with it,” Stiles said, grinning and taking out a burrito for himself. He sat down in the huge chair in the corner of Derek’s room. 

“Is this okay? I can go somewhere else if you want,” he said. 

“You just risked your livelihood to bring me a taco. I’m not going to turn around and throw you out of my room.” 

“I appreciate that,” Stiles said, pausing to take a bite of his burrito, he looked like he was trying to bring himself to say something and after a few moments he spoke, “So, I don’t really know if this is considered an appropriate question or whatever, but how long have you been in the hospital now?” 

“Quite a while, I’ve pretty much lost track. Several weeks. If I don’t get out soon, I’m going to go mad. There’s only so long that I can stare at these plain ass walls and not go completely insane,” Derek said motioning around him. “Did you get any of the hot sauce from Taco Bell by the way?”  

“Yeah,” Stiles said, rummaging around in the bag and tossing a few packets on Derek’s bed, “and maybe they will. You seem to be doing okay, to me,” Stiles replied, smiling encouragingly. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Derek responded. 

“I can’t believe you like hot sauce, by the way. It’s so gross,” Stiles said scrunching up his face in disgust. 

“You are missing out, man. This sauce is sent from the gods,” Derek replied, gaping at him. 

“Well, I’ll have to debate that with you another day, right now I gotta get back to work. I’ll see you,” Stiles said, tossing a few more packets of hot sauce on Derek’s bed and heading out the door of his room. Derek finished eating and hid the bag and the wrappers in his trashcan, leaving out one of the unopened packets of sauce Stiles had thrown at him. He was going to force Stiles try it someday. He rolled over on his side and tried to get some sleep.

The next day, Derek felt a shock of slight disappointment when it passed six o’clock and Stiles hadn’t had to come by for any reason. The nurse on duty had apparently actually been doing her job all day today, and he found himself wishing she hadn’t. He just really needed the company of someone his own age, and Stiles was someone he could see himself becoming friends with. He had a quick, no bullshit way of speaking that Derek admired, and he seemed smart and felt like someone who would keep you on your toes if you tried to have a conversation with them. He was pretty sure Stiles was usually off by six though. The past few days he couldn’t remember him coming any later than that. He watched the clock for a while, feeling more discouraged with each passing second. He picked up a book he had been reading and read a few pages before looking back up at the clock, to discover only a few minutes had passed. He made up his mind that he was going to read an entire chapter without looking up at the clock, but then he got momentarily excited when someone came into his room, but felt disappointment wash through him when it was his uncle, immediately feeling bad about that. 

“Hey, how are you doing today?” 

“You know, I appreciate the concern I really do, but you really don’t have to ask me that every single day. If I think I’m dying right this second, I’ll be sure and let you know.” 

“Okay, smart ass,” Peter said, but he was smiling and Derek knew he hadn’t really upset him, “how about this question: what did you do today? And why is there a Taco Bell bag in this trash can.” 

“Oh, you know that kid who brought me that blanket the other day? He’s been hanging out in here sometimes and he ate some Taco Bell in here the other day.” 

“But, you didn’t?” 

“Nope, straight hospital food, for me,” Derek said, looking him in the eyes, “I promise.” 

“Well, I hope so,” Peter said, harshly. 

Derek shifted around guiltily. 

“Also, the nurse just told me that that kid has been in here a lot. She said she thinks it’s nice you’ve been having someone closer to your age to talk to more often.”

“Oh, yeah, he’s been around some,” Derek said, avoiding his uncle’s eye. 

“Uh huh, and is he cute?” Peter asked. 

“What?” Derek asked. Derek had been sure he was gay since he was 13 and had come out to his uncle when he was 16 and pretty much regretted it ever since. HIs uncle was totally fine with it and Derek realized he was lucky for that, but since he knew he was always prying into Derek’s life and asking him things like this; things that Derek would rather not talk about with anyone. 

“You heard me,” Peter said, “but your reluctance to answer is pretty much an answer in itself.” 

“Fine, whatever he’s okay looking. Are you happy now?” Derek asked exasperatedly.

“Ecstatic,” his uncle said in a deadpan.  

His uncle left not too long after that and Derek spent some time trying to read for a while. He felt mentally exhausted from the disappointment of Stiles not dropping by. He was really worried that maybe he wouldn’t ever do it again. It shouldn’t have mattered so much to him, he really didn’t know him that well or anything but he had gotten used to having someone around sometimes who was his age to talk to. 

He turned the TV on in his room and switched over to the news for some background noise and tried to go to sleep. 

Stiles came in his room early the next morning, and grinned when he saw he was awake, “Hey, I got here kind of early for my shift and I was worried I wouldn’t have anything to do while I waited for it to actually start.”

A nurse came in with some medicine for Derek and Stiles sighed, “Aw, damn, I was hoping you wouldn’t show up today and I would get to make some of your rounds. One of the nurses that covers this ward doesn’t show up a lot so I’ve gotten used to being here a lot.” 

The nurse gave Stiles a look that Derek couldn’t quite read, but then she laughed, “I’m sorry to disappoint you, honey. I know how much you like looking after some of the patients in this ward.”

Stiles shot Derek a shocked expression his mouth falling open slightly, and then looked back at the nurse, sticking his tongue out at her, “Whatever, whatever.”

The nurse smiled at the both of them and then left. Derek watched her go before speaking, “Will you not get in trouble for talking to her like that?” 

“Oh, no, she loves me. She’s known me since I was like 11. If it had been Nurse Shirley I wouldn’t have dared but Nicole is cool.”  

The day after that Stiles didn’t come by again, but Derek just brushed it off. It wasn’t like they were friends or anything and even Isaac who had been his best friend for forever didn’t come everyday. Stiles had probably just been too busy with something. So Derek didn’t let it bother him. He just spent the whole night playing video games and watching TV, wishing that he didn’t feel so weak so that he could go work out or even just get out of bed. 

The next couple of days that Stiles didn’t come, however, had Derek a little more worried. After all Stiles worked at the hospital, it wasn’t like it was that hard or at all out of his way for him to drop by and see him even for just a few minutes. If he didn’t want to talk to him sometimes why had he been so nice those first couple of days? Isaac and his uncle were dropping by more than usual, though, so he tried to focus on them, rather than thinking about Stiles. 

After a few more days of Stiles not showing up, though, Derek started to feel really stupid. He really shouldn’t be as upset as he was about this, the kid obviously didn’t care about him enough to keep coming so why should it bother Derek. Being nice to him had obviously just been seen as a part of his job to the kid. 

One day, though, Stiles finally did come back. He came into Derek’s room just after six at night and asked him how he had been. 

“Not as busy as some people,” Derek said coldly. 

Stiles nodded at him not seeming to quite catch on, “I just wanted to check on you he said.” 

“You don’t have to do that,” Derek said. “I don’t need your help.” 

Stiles looked a little hurt, but he just nodded, “Right, he said, well I was sick like all of last week so I didn’t get to come by and I felt really bad about it. I had gotten used to coming by and seeing you all the time and it felt weird not doing it.” 

Now that Derek looked closely Stiles did look really rough. He was pale and his nose was red. He looked like someone who just spent a week sick in bed. Derek regretted having been so rude, he should have let Stiles explain before assuming things. He was just so used to people deserting him. 

A kid with a mop of dark brown hair stuck his head inside the door to Derek’s room then though saying, “Hey, Stiles.” 

“Hey, I’m done, I was just talking to Derek here,” Stiles said, turning toward the kid and smiling, he looked back at Derek and said, “Scott and I are going to the mall to pick out something for him to wear to dinner with his girlfriend’s parents.” 

Scott met eyes with Derek, “Oh, you’re Derek? Stiles talks about you nonstop; I feel like I’ve known you forever now.” 

Stiles went slightly pink in his cheeks and headed for the door, pushing Scott out in front of him, “Right, we’re leaving now. I’ll see you tomorrow Derek.”

Shortly after they left a doctor came in, looking through Derek’s file intensely, flipping the pages.

“Hey, so I have some good news for you today, kid.” The doctor said. 

Derek glowered at him. This was one of the reasons he hated the hospital; he wasn’t a kid and he didn’t need them to treat him like one. He was hoping that the good news would actually be something good for a change, though, instead of just, “We’re going to try a new medicine” or something else "good" like that.

“You get to go home for a while. It’s probably not permanent, but we’ll see what happens.” 

It took a moment for Derek’s brain to catch up with this unexpected news, but when it did he broke out in a giant grin. He was stoked, maybe he was actually getting better. He had felt a little less tired the last few days now that he thought about it. A nurse came in to help unhook him from all the machinery and IVs and he began to pack up the stuff that he had in his room. He gravitated toward the door to pack up some books he had on a table over there and he heard his uncle talking to the doctor outside the door.

"Is he getting better?" Uncle Peter asked, his voice a harsh whisper.

"It doesn't look like it, but we're running out of things to try. It's best to just take him home and make his last few months as comfortable as possible," the doctor answered. 

The flicker of hope Derek had felt while talking to the doctor before was extinguished by a wave of depression. He packed up in silence, Nurse Nicole trying to talk to him, and him shrugging her off, answering in short sentences. His uncle was back in the room and looking at him strangely. He finished packing up, and looked at his uncle, “You ready?” he asked. 

The car ride home passed in mostly silence. Peter spoke up once to ask if Derek was upset because he wouldn’t be seeing Stiles anymore, but Derek’s mutinous glare was enough to get him to drop that subject. When they got home, his uncle asked him if he needed anything or wanted him to make him any food. Derek just shrugged, trying to force a smile, “I’m fine,” he said. “I’m just going to go to my room." 

He headed to his room and picked up a book but he was bored of it before he even finished one page. He tossed it to the floor and stared at a picture of his mom, dad, and sister, Laura, that was in a frame next to his bed. He had never wished more that they were still alive than he did at that moment. Laura would understand why Derek was upset and she would talk him through it. Cheer him up. She would also probably tease him about Stiles, but he did kind of want someone to talk to about him. Someone who could give their opinion on whether or not they thought he really wanted to be friends or was just being nice because it was his job. 

Derek was so bored, already. There really wasn’t a difference between his house and the hospital; he still had no one to talk to most of the time, and nothing new to see. He decided just to play the same video game he had already beaten five times since being diagnosed. Before getting diagnosed he had loved to play sports and work out but after getting diagnosed he never got to go outside really.

He played through a few levels of the game with ease before there was a knock on the door. He heard his uncle go answer it and he tried to put it from his mind. The few friends he had had stopped visiting long ago. Well, except Isaac who still dropped in every now and again but Derek was pretty sure he was out of town right now. He focused back on the TV and played through a few more minutes of the game, but the next thing he knew, Stiles was standing in his doorway, and he got so distracted that one of the enemies managed to blow his head off.

“Hey, how’s it going? I went to visit your room and check on you but they said you had been released?” Stiles said, his tone questioning and his giant smile threatening to overtake his entire face.

“Yeah, it’s probably just temporary though. They don't think I'm getting better, so I’ll probably end up back in there soon enough,” Derek said, watching Stiles smile falter a little bit. 

“Oh, well, how are you feeling?” Stiles asked, coming a little further into the room. 

“About the same, but I am so fucking bored,” Derek practically roared, brandishing the game controller in the air. 

“We should watch a movie,” Stiles said, his voice rising with excitement. 

“That would be a great idea, except I don’t actually own any movies,” Derek admitted. 

Stiles mouth fell open, his chin dropping practically to his knees, “You don’t own a single movie?” 

“Not a single one,” Derek confirmed. 

“Okay, this calls for emergency measures. Wait here and I will go get some from my house. We can have a marathon.” Stiles said, already halfway back out the door in his excitement. Derek watched through his window as Stiles hurried to his jeep and drove away feeling much happier than he had before. Having Stiles around was always a good step up from just sitting around bored all night, so things were looking better. He decided to roll over and try to sleep for a while though so that when Stiles got there he would be able to sit through more than one movie. 

***

He woke up about an hour later when Stiles came clomping back into his room. 

“Oh, sorry, you can go back to sleep if you need to,” Stiles said, looking embarrassed. 

“Oh no, I’m fine. I just didn’t know what else to do while I waited for you.” 

Stiles nodded and sat down a backpack at the end of Derek’s bed. “I figured if you didn’t have any DVD’s you also probably didn’t have a DVD player, so I brought my laptop,” he said, opening it and setting it down next to his backpack. Stiles’ computer background was a picture of The Avengers cast and Derek grinned a little at that, happy to gain a little more insight into Stiles’ interests. He put a DVD in and then moved his backpack to the floor before plopping down in the recliner next to Derek’s bed. 

“This first movie is a horror movie classic The Wolf Man. I figured you probably haven’t seen it but you definitely need to. It’s one of my all time favorites.” 

They watched the first part of the movie in silence, Stiles, sitting sideways in the recliner, his feet over one arm, and his head hanging over the other, but before long Stiles started adding his own commentary to the movie.

About halfway through the movie, though, Stiles started fidgeting in his chair trying to get comfortable. “I’m so tired,” he said. 

“Do you want to lay down?” Derek asked scooting to the side of his bed so that there would be room for Stiles too. 

“Uh, yeah, thanks,” Stiles said lifting the covers and crawling into the bed, propping up on his side so that he could still see the movie. Derek tensed up a bit, not used to having anyone so close to him. 

“Do you like the movie so far,” Stiles asked in a hushed voice. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool,” Derek breathed out. 

“Good, I’m glad,” Stiles said, and they shifted back into not talking as much, finishing the movie in relative silence. When it went off Stiles took it out and stuck another movie in but they didn’t pay as much attention to that one, opting to talk instead. 

“I’m going to have to make you watch The Howling sometime too. That’s another one of my favorites,” Stiles said. 

“Is that another werewolf movie? Why do you like them so much?” Derek asked. 

“Dude, werewolves are fucking awesome. I mean, once a month they turn into a wolf and run around and then the rest of the month they get to just be a normal person. How cool is that?” 

“Pretty awesome, I guess,” Derek said. 

“You don’t sound so sure of that, but not to worry, I am sure I will convince you of their awesomeness at some point. I’m like a werewolf expert, I swear to god. I’m so obsessed.”

“I’m sure you’ll convince me then,” Derek said. He shifted on the bed, suddenly exhausted, and let out a yawn. 

“I guess I should go and let you sleep,” Stiles said, reluctantly crawling out of the bed, “I’ll come back tomorrow though after my shift if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, yeah, definitely,” Derek said, disappointed to see Stiles go, but he was really tired and glad to have something to look forward to after he woke up the next day. 

At some point in the middle of the night, Derek woke up with a fever, the sheets sticking to his skin, feeling shaky. He laid in his bed for a while, his muscles and bones feeling achy and hot, before being hit with a sudden wave of nausea. That would be the chemo’s contribution to the party, he thought. He dragged himself out of bed and over to his bathroom feeling his stomach wrench as he threw up, having thankfully made it all the way to the toilet. He vomited until his stomach was emptied out and hollowed feeling. He went and got himself a glass of ice water to make sure he wouldn’t dehydrate and laid back in his bed trying to relax enough to drift back to sleep. 

The next day Derek woke up feeling kind of achy and feverish still, but not really as nauseous as before, he looked over and noticed Stiles sprawled across his futon reading a book. Derek stared at him for a moment before clearing his throat so Stiles would look up. 

“Oh, hey, sorry this is weird, isn’t it?” he said, laughing nervously, “I’m always just hanging out in your room when you wake up. Sorry, about that,” he said, closing up the book he had been reading and tossing it beside him on the futon. 

“No, it’s okay,” he paused trying to think of something they could do, and wondering why Stiles was there instead of at work before remembering that it was a Sunday and Stiles was usually off by now on Sundays. “Do you want to play a video game or something?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah, that’d be fun,” Stiles said. “What do you have?” 

“Uh, I have some Mario games, those are good for multiplayers. Most of my other games are made for one person.” 

“Do you have Mario Kart?” Stiles asked excitedly, making a move towards Derek TV.

“I do actually. I used to play that a lot when I had friends over, but no one really…” he trailed off there suddenly embarrassed to finish the thought. 

“Well, I wanna play it,” Stiles said, getting up and grabbing two of the Wii remotes and switching out the game. He brought one of the remotes over to Derek and sat down next to him on the bed. 

“I feel like I should have grown out of Mario games by now, but they are the best for playing around with other people,” Derek said.

“I don’t think it’s possible to grow out of Mario games,” Stiles replied, “They are way too much fun.” He smiled at Derek for a moment and then said, “Ugh, how are you so good at this?” as he fell off the edge of the track for the billionth time.

“It takes a while to kind of get used to playing it on Wii. You have to be more gentle than you intuitively think with how much you tilt the remote to go around turns,” Derek said, and then hesitating a moment he set down his controller and reached over, placing his hands over Stiles, “like this,” he said tilting the controller slightly to go around a few turns. 

“Wow, okay, yeah, thank you,” Stiles said, grinning hugely, his eyes wide, as Derek released his hands and picked his own controller back up. He was now in last place, but it was worth it to see Stiles smile like that. He raced around the track smoothly coming up to second place. Stiles was in first and there were several times he could have overtaken him but he let him stay in first. He hoped coming in first would get him to smile again, and when Stiles crossed the finish line a millimeter ahead of him Derek wasn’t disappointed. Stiles grinned hugely, proud of himself, and asked if that meant he got to pick the next track they played.

“So, how’s the hospital treating you?” Derek asked after they played in silence for a while.  

“Oh, you know, about the same. I still get stuck doing some of the nurse’s jobs for them while getting paid half as much. And I swear they enjoy giving me the worst stuff to do.” 

“But the nurses seem to love you,” Derek said, his tone questioning.

“They do love me, but that doesn’t stop them from making me scrub out bed pans all the fucking time. I swear to god if they make me do it one more time I’m quitting.” 

“No, you aren’t,” Derek said. “You love it too much,” he teased.

“Ugh, okay, but I’ll want to,” Stiles said. 

Just then, Peter knocked on the door of Derek’s room, poking his head inside the doorframe, “Dinner is ready. Stiles are you staying?” 

“Is that okay?” Stiles asked. “I don’t want to impose.” 

“Yeah, no it’s fine. I made way too much, and I’m sure Derek would love for you to stay,” Peter said. Derek glared at him, willing him to stop there. 

“Is it okay with you?” Stiles asked turning toward Derek, his smile huge. 

Derek nodded. “Yeah, it’s fine.”

They all walked into the kitchen and slid into chairs. Peter had already set a place for Stiles clearly expecting that he would say yes to staying. They passed around the food, a salad and veggie burgers, his uncle apparently trying to keep him eating healthy even now that he was home from the hospital. Derek was afraid Stiles wouldn’t like it though. 

“Sorry about all this healthy shit,” Derek commented, glaring at his uncle for deciding to start cooking healthy food today of all days. 

“No, it’s fine. I’m used to it. I force my dad to eat healthy all the time,” Stiles said, grabbing a bun. 

“So, how is the student worker program at the hospital,” Peter asked, taking a bite of his food and looking at Stiles. 

“Oh, it’s awesome,” Stiles said, nodding vigorously, “I want to scrub bedpans for the rest of my life.” he deadpanned. 

“I’m sure,” Peter said, “I assume you do want to do something in the medical field though so what do you have in mind?” 

“Oh, I want to be a cancer researcher.” Stiles said.

“Oh, wow, that’s a lofty career goal,” Peter said. "Are you sure you can handle it?"

Derek glared at his uncle. He was taken aback by what Stiles said though. He had just assumed he wanted to be a doctor or a surgeon or something, not anything as intense as that. 

“Well, you know, go big or go home and all.” Stiles said with a laugh. 

“Uh huh," Peter said, looking like he was trying hard not to roll his eyes. 

Derek was glad that they were getting along as well as Peter ever got along with anyone. He didn’t have much of an appetite tonight though so he kept just kind of pushing his food around on his plate. 

“Are you okay, Derek?” Peter asked, looking at him, concerned. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I had kind of a rough night last night and I’m just still not feeling okay.” he said. 

“What happened?” Stiles asked, turning his full attention to Derek, worry filling his eyes. 

“I just had a fever and stuff. It’s not a big deal, it happens a lot.” 

Stiles nodded but the worry didn’t really leave his face. 

After dinner, Derek headed back to his room but Stiles stopped by the front door. “Are you feeling okay? Should I leave?” he asked. 

“I mean, if you wa-“  Derek started not wanting to hold him up if Stiles was ready to go, but not wanting him to leave at all. 

 “Well, I mean, I could stay, and watch a movie or something…if you wanted. I have one with me.” Stiles said, cutting him off.

“Stay, yeah,” Derek said, hoping he didn’t sound too eager. 

Stiles smiled, “Okay, cool.” 

They headed back to Derek’s room and piled on the bed. Stiles grabbed his laptop and put in a movie. 

“So, what’s our movie for tonight?” Derek asked, turning on his side. 

“Well, if you haven’t seen this one then you are a disgrace to all mankind, but I wanted to watch it with you anyway, but uh, it’s The Exorcist.” 

“Well, I am officially a disgrace to all mankind.” Derek said. 

Stiles looked at him incredulously, “Are you serious right now? I can’t be seen with you anymore.” he teased acting like he was going to get up. 

“Whatever,” Derek said, and Stiles fell back on the bed, laying down on his side, facing toward Derek. 

“I’m just kidding; it takes more than a lack of classic horror movie education to get rid of me.” Stiles said, grinning at him before hitting play on the movie. 

During a slower part of the movie, Stiles looked over at him and whispered, “So, uh, I guess this is kind of a rude question, but I feel like we know each other pretty well now, so if you don’t mind me asking…what do you have?” Stiles asked. 

“I thought you looked through my file one day, shouldn’t you know?” Derek replied, cocking his head.

“Oh, that actually wasn’t what I was looking for. You looked like someone I used to kind of know so I was trying to figure out if it could have been you.” 

“Was it?” 

“I don’t think so,” Stiles said, an amused grin pulling at his lips. 

“I have Acute Myeloid Leukemia. I was diagnosed a few months ago. My uncle kept commenting on how pale I looked and I started noticing a few more bruises than I could come up with a reasonable explanation for. I was also just super tired all the time, and despite being in really good shape I kept getting out of breath really easy. I thought I just had the flu or something but I started missing a lot of school so I had to go to the doctor. They ran a few tests and then well…here I am.” he said. 

“They let you out of the hospital though, so do they really not think you’re getting any better?” Stiles asked. 

“Well, I hoped so when they first told me, but I overheard the doctor telling my uncle that he wanted to make what might be my last few months as comfortable as possible. So, I think they really just kind of gave up on me.”

“I don’t think so, but what really matters is that you don’t give up on you.” Stiles said. 

“Don’t feed me that motivational bullshit,” Derek responded, rolling his eyes at him.

 “Hey, now, I’m serious. There have been studies that proved that positive thinking really does help.” Stiles said, his tone mock serious. 

“Please tell me that you are not seriously one of those, ‘cancer patients just need to be positive and then they can’t die’ people.” Derek said. “I know that my disease is hurting the people who care about me, how am I supposed to fight that with a spunky attitude?” 

“I was being sarcastic,” Stiles replied nervously, “but you just revealed something very important about yourself.” 

“Oh yeah? What?” Derek asked. 

“That you care more about how your disease is affecting other than people than how it’s affecting you. You try to be Mr. Grumpy Pants “I don’t give a shit” all the time, but I’m calling bullshit on that. You do care.” 

Derek felt a little unnerved; Stiles had managed to peel back more of Derek’s layers in just a few weeks than anyone else had in his entire 20 years of existence, leaving him feeling strangely unsettled. They went back to watching the movie after that, and a few hours later Derek woke up, Stiles' hand gripping lightly to the hem of his shirt, his thumb resting on his stomach, his breath hot on his neck, their feet a tangled mess. Derek’s stomach squirmed not altogether unpleasantly, just nervously, not used to people touching him like this and afraid of what Stiles’ reaction would be if he woke up. Stiles looked weirdly peaceful when he slept though, oddly still, his energy contained, not overflowing like it did when he was awake. Derek smiled at him, settling back against the mattress, afraid to wake him up. 

He matched his breathing to Stiles, relaxing back into sleep. He woke back up a few hours later though to Stiles’ sudden movement. “Shit, I’m gonna be late for school.” Derek felt bad for not waking him up before; he hadn’t thought about school, he had lost track of the days. Stiles gathered his things and shoved on his shoes. 

“I’ll see you later.” he said rushing for the door. “Sorry for waking you up.” Derek watched him go sadly, having gotten entirely too used to Stiles’ company. Stiles had left behind a Black Widow comic and Derek flipped it open, thumbing through the pages. He might have to borrow some more of these from Stiles, she was a pretty interesting character. 

He was so fucking sick of being inside though that he decided he had to get out. He rolled off his bed, and headed for the living room, “I’m gonna go for a walk.” he called. 

Peter popped his head out from his study. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? What if something happens?” 

“I’m just gonna go through the woods a little way, and I’ll take my phone. I just need to get out of the house for a second.” Derek said, pulling at his hair in frustration. 

“Okay.” his uncle said, but he didn’t look quite convinced. 

Derek put on a jacket and his shoes and headed out the door, breathing in the fresh air. He needed to be able to clear his head. He stepped off the front porch and toward the edge of their yard, heading for the woods. He had been going stir crazy inside places all the time and it felt good to finally be outside of an enclosed space. He knew he wouldn’t be able to go too far without getting out of breath or exhausted so he decided to head for a tree he and Laura used to climb when they were younger. 

He let his feet travel down the familiar path without thinking about it, letting his mind wander instead to thoughts of Stiles. He hoped that he would come by and see him again later. He had gotten way too accustomed to Stiles’ company and having him around to watch movies with and talk to. He felt selfish for letting Stiles get close to him when he knew he was more than likely not going to live, but he really needed friends. He was afraid that Stiles would realize the risk he was running getting close to Derek one of these days though and run away and Derek wasn’t sure what he would do if Stiles just stopped coming altogether. 

He was at the tree before he knew it. He pressed both of his arms against the lowest branch trying to push himself up. Before he had gotten sick it had been so easy. He had barely even had to try. He would lift himself easily onto the first branch and then climb quickly all the way to the top where him and Laura had always liked to sit side by side and tell each other secrets and stories. Now he was having a much harder time. He finally made it to the lowest branch, but he couldn’t make it any farther than that. He sat down on the branch, disappointed and tired. He was so frustrated of not being able to do anything. He just wanted to get well, just wanted to be able to go back to being a normal young adult. He wanted to go to parties, and back to college, and get a fucking job, and be able to have friends without worrying about how they would feel if something happened to him. 

Derek knew he should probably go back before his uncle had time to get worried about him so he pulled himself back down from the tree and headed back to the house. He was working on a crossword puzzle in his room when his uncle popped his head in his room.

“I’m going out. Do you need anything?” he asked him.

“Actually could you rent me the movie The Howling?”

“Yeah, is Stiles coming over again, tonight?” Peter asked, leaning against Derek’s doorframe. 

“Yeah, I think so. I was just about to text him,” he grinned a little bit still looking down at the puzzle, before looking up, concerned, “Is that okay?” he asked, sitting up straighter in the bed.

“Yeah. He seems like a good kid. A little sassy, but a good kid,” Peter said. “He’s been spending a lot of time here. I’m actually pretty sure he likes you.” 

“Oh yeah, I’m sure pale sick people who are so weak they can’t even climb a tree anymore really turn him on,” Derek said sarcastically

“Oh, I'm sure,” Peter quipped back, but Derek could tell he was really worried about him, so Derek tried to lighten the conversation. 

“Besides, I don’t even know if he likes guys,” he added. 

Peter nodded, looking a little less worried.  “Alright, well, if you don’t need anything else, I’ll be back in a couple of hours,” he said, turning around and heading around the corner through the hallway. 

Derek got out his phone and sent Stiles a text: _Hey, do you want to come by in a few hours? I have something to show you._  

Just a few minutes later he his phone buzzed and his stomach squirmed nervously as he read Stiles’ reply: “ _Yeah!! :) What is it?_ ”

Derek grinned as he typed up a response: “ _It’s a surprise. Bring your laptop._ ”

Stiles response took a little longer that time but after about 10 minutes he got a text that said: “ _Ugh, meanie, I hate surprises. :P I’ll see you around 6:30 kay?_ ”

Derek sent him back a text that just said, “ _sure_ ” before getting up to clean up his room a little. He moved around the room slowly, feeling abnormally weak, but it probably wasn’t a big deal, it was probably just from climbing the tree earlier. He picked up some of his dirty clothes off the floor and threw them on the floor of his closet instead, too tired to make the effort to take them any further than that. He also arranged the magazines and books beside his bed a little so that they didn’t look so cluttered and threw all the trash that was around into the trashcan. 

He collapsed back on his bed and looked at his phone to see that Stiles had sent back a text that just said “: _) kay!!_ ” He smiled at his phone before setting it back on his bedside table and picking up a book to read for a while until he fell asleep. 

A few hours later, Peter woke Derek up by shaking his shoulder gently, “Hey, uh I just got off the phone with your doctor and I have some bad news.” 

“Ugh,” Derek replied, “Seriously?”

“Yeah, the doctors want to try a different chemo treatment, something more intense. So, I guess you’re going back to the hospital for a while,” Peter said, his eyes were downcast and he was clearly upset and he looked a little scared as well.

“Is this a joke?”

“Even I wouldn’t joke about something like that. I’m sorry, Derek. Your tests weren’t looking as good as they had hoped.”

“It’s not your fault,” Derek said pressing the balls of his hand into his eyes, and shutting down.

“I rented you that movie, if you still want to watch it. I’ll leave it here,” he said, placing the DVD case on the table beside Derek’s bed. 

“Thank you.” 

Derek laid back on his bed. He wanted to punch something. It was so frustrating. It felt like he had just gotten home and now he had to go back to the hospital? For more chemo? Plus, now he had to break the news to Stiles and he didn’t know if he could take crushing that boy’s spirit; that might kill him faster than the cancer was apparently going to. 

“Are you okay?” Derek heard from the doorway. Stiles had apparently arrived without him hearing the door. 

“Yeah, sorry, I just got some bad news that I should probably share with you,” Derek said sitting up and patting the bed next to him, signaling for Stiles to sit down. 

“I have to go back to the hospital soon. They want to try this new chemo treatment. I’m apparently doing worse than they would like to see.” 

“Do they think it’s going to help though?” Stiles asked. 

“I mean, I guess. My uncle literally just told me about it so I haven’t had a chance to look it up or anything. He said something about it being a more aggressive form of chemo or something so maybe it’ll work better, but I bet it also has worse side effects.” 

Stiles was quiet, apparently thinking hard, “I don’t even know what to say. You’re gonna have to tell me your new room number after you get checked in. So, I can come by and see you. I’ll bring more scary movies for you to watch or something.” 

“Speaking of scary movies, I rented The Howling, that was what I wanted to show you. I remember you said you liked it so I thought we could watch it together.”

“Oh, man, yes, perfect. I haven’t seen it in a while and you definitely need to see it if you haven’t. It’s a total classic.” 

Stiles got out his laptop and slid the movie in the DVD drive before settling back on the bed much closer to Derek than he had expected. He could feel Stiles body heat radiating off him and he wanted to scoot over closer and see what Stiles would say, but he wasn’t sure still if he should act on his feelings for Stiles. He was sure he liked him, but pursuing it wouldn’t be fair to Stiles if Derek didn’t end up getting better. Plus, Stiles was a normal teenager who would want to do things like go on dates and do things other than just hang out in the hospital all the time.  

They talked through a lot of the movie like usual, Stiles flailing around the bed with an almost contagious energy as he inserted his own trivia track over the movie. Stiles seemed to have the kind of mind that absorbed anything it found interesting and stored it away for perfect recall later. It made him almost intimidatingly smart, but Derek was attracted to intelligence.

Stiles left earlier than usual, citing the fact that he has to go into work for a little before school the next day as the reason. Derek frowned at him but let him go without a fuss. 

The next few days seemed to pass in a haze of sleeping and spending time with Stiles and before Derek knew it he was back in the hospital. It was strange how fast days seemed to pass when you were consciously aware of how few of them you probably had left to live. Derek’s first day back in the hospital was absolutely miserable though; he had to spend his morning having a small surgery done to insert a catheter into his chest for them to give the chemo to him through, then he had to have a few tests ran, and then he spent a few hours hooked up to chemotherapy. 

After that he tried to sleep for awhile, but failed miserably, tossing and turning as much as he could in the tiny hospital bed for an hour before giving up completely. They brought him some food after that, but he wasn’t hungry so he just pushed around the food for awhile before they came back and took it away. The nurse reminded him that it was important to eat and told him that if he thought of something he might want he could call them for it. He had gotten used to not having an IV in anymore or the heart rate monitor attached to his finger and they both felt heavy and cumbersome now. The closer it got to six, the time he was hoping Stiles would drop in to see him, the slower time seemed to pass by, but finally just a little bit after six Stiles appeared in Derek’s doorway, hiding something behind his back, “Hey, it feels weird that you’re in a different room now,” he laughed, “It’s like you moved into a new house exactly like you’re old one. But anyway I got you something.” 

“What?” Derek asked trying to see around Stiles to what it was.

Stiles walked toward Derek, his strides bigger than usual and almost bouncy from the anticipation running through him. “Here,” he said, holding out a teddy bear. 

“What is this?” Derek asked, grabbing the thing and holding it at a distance. 

“That thing has set in the window of the gift shop since I started working here and after a while it’s little sour face started to remind me of a certain grumpy person I know,” Stiles said, grinning. “That’s you by the way.” 

“Yeah, I had managed to put two and two together, actually,” Derek said, biting back a smile. He would never admit it to anyone but the bear was actually kind of adorable. 

“I just thought…you know, you’re doing chemo again and that can’t be fun at all and I just thought he’d be good to have around to remind you that you have people rooting for you.”

“Thank you,” Derek said. Stiles set down next to his bed and picked up the stuffed animal, nuzzling it into Derek’s neck. 

“He wanted to be closer,” he said. 

Derek smiled, “Well, he can hang out there on my shoulder.”  

Stiles smiled back at him. “Okay, good.” 

“So, how has school been lately?” Derek asked, scratching near the tape that was holding his IV needle in. He swore that they purposefully used the most irritating tape to make sure that nothing about your hospital stay was enjoyable in the slightest. 

“Dumb, as usual. All of the girls are already freaking the fuck out over prom. It’s still like five months from now. I don’t know what the big deal is. Scott’s girlfriend, Allison, went dress shopping with her friend Lydia who I used to have a massive crush on just by the way, for like six hours the other day.” 

“Why used to?” 

“She’s in love with this other guy. It used to bother me, but I’ve been over her for a little while now. At one point Scott was just kind of like: Stiles if you don’t quit focusing on her than you’re seriously never going to date anyone ever. She's not getting over Jackson. So, I tried to move on and eventually succeeded.” 

“Well, do you have anyone else in mind for a potential prom date?” 

“One person,” Stiles said with a slight smile, “but I don’t think they’d be able to go with me… that is if they were even interested in the first place.” 

Derek felt a faint stirring of jealousy but he brushed it off. He knew it would be selfish of him to try to be with Stiles when he had so little to offer him right now. 

“I also have a massive Spanish test tomorrow that I’m almost definitely going to fail so I know I just got here and all but I actually really have to go. Hasta mañana,” Stiles said, moving to get up.

“I know Spanish. I could help… if you wanted,” Derek said fidgeting with his blanket and refusing to make eye contact. 

“Oh my god, seriously? Muchas gracias. I’m gonna go get my book. I’ll be back in like five minutes,” Stiles said a smile spreading from ear to ear before he jumped out of the chair and headed down the hall. 

“De nada,” Derek called after him. 

Stiles reappeared in the doorway a few minutes later carrying his book and two disgusting looking coffees from the shop downstairs. 

“This one’s for you,” Stiles said, setting down some kind of frozen drink with a pile of whip cream, chocolate syrup and caramel sauce on top. It smelled okay, just nauseatingly sweet. Derek was only supposed to be eating things that were healthy, though, and definitely not drinking coffee, especially not coffee that had an entire pound of sugar in it. 

“Oh, I’m not supposed t-“ 

“Oh, don’t worry. I won’t tell,” Stiles said, winking at him. Derek picked the drink up and sniffed it and there was definitely at least a pound of sugar in it. He took a small sip though and it wasn’t bad. 

“So, what are we studying?” Derek asked. 

“The dreaded conditional tense,” Stiles said, opening his book up to the appropriate chapter and handing it to Derek. 

“Ah, okay, so it’s mainly just confusing because it has a lot of uses. For example, you would use it if you were talking about something that could happen but that may not,” Derek said. 

Stiles cut him off there, “So, say I wanted to tell someone: It would be really fun to kiss you. Would I use the conditional tense for that?” 

“Yeah, it would be: Sería tan divertido besarte,” Derek said. “¿Por qué? Do you have your eye on a chica linda in your Spanish class?” 

“Chico,” Stiles responded, “and not in my class, no.” He added a blush creeping over his cheeks.  

“Oh, tú eres gay?” Derek asked.

“Soy bi,” Stiles said clarifying, “and only recently out of the closet. What about you? Do you have a crush on any of your hot nurses?” 

“Soy gay. I’m not really out, but not really hiding it either. It just never really comes up.” 

“Yeah, I guess you usually have more important things to talk about,” Stiles said looking embarrassed. 

“Trust me, I would much rather talk about this then be asked for the five thousandth time if I’m feeling nauseous today.”

“Okay, well what if I wanted to say: I’m thinking about kissing you right now. What tense would I use for that?” 

“The present progressive,” Derek answered, completely oblivious to Stiles flirtation, “It’d be: Estoy pensando de besarte ahorita.”

“And what about: I bet if I kissed you, your lips would be soft.” Stiles asked, leaning closer to his book and in turn to Derek himself. His arm was resting against the crook of Derek’s elbow and his skin felt pleasantly warm against Derek’s aching muscles. 

“That would be the conditional,” Derek said shivering slightly, and Stiles shifted pressing more of his skin against Derek’s.

“You’re like ice. Do you want me to grab you a blanket?” Stiles asked.

“That’s okay,” Derek said. “I’m fine.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Stiles said, hopping up. Derek felt instantly colder at the loss of Stiles’ body heat and he wanted Stiles to just stop and come back, wanted him to lie down next to him and just share his warmth. Stiles came back a few moments later and threw a blanket over him, stretching it out to cover him. 

“That first night we met when you brought me a blanket you said you know the hospital get colder at night, but since then that has never added up for me, because you never work nights,” Derek said. 

“Oh, right,” Stiles said his smile vanishing, a deep frown taking it’s place. “When I was eleven my mom got diagnosed with cancer. I spent most of the next year in this hospital watching her not get any better. She died the day after my twelfth birthday.”

“Wow, I’m so sorry, and I know how empty that sounds when people say it. My uncle is the only family member I have left, but I really am sorry. What kind of cancer, if you don’t mind me asking.”

Derek felt a little dumb for not putting the pieces together himself. After all he had known something had happened to the sheriff’s wife. 

“Lung. Which pisses me off even more since she never even smoked a day in her life. But, hey, I’m sorry about your losses as well.” 

“Most of mine happened before I was old enough to understand, and my uncle and I get by fine. But, wait, you said you were 11 so that was like 7 years ago right?” 

“Yeah, why?” 

“That was when Laura had her accident. I was around her a lot for a few months too. I wonder if we were ever here at the same time?” 

“Oh my god, no, remember when I said you looked familiar and that’s why I read your file? Well, you looked like this kid I always saw in the waiting room when I would come to see my mom. He always sat around and played Super Mario on the N64 while all the other kids played together. That was totally you wasn’t it?” 

“Yeah, it probably was,” Derek said, looking slightly stunned. “I would have been with my uncle and I wore glasses back then.” 

“It was totally you. Dude, I had the biggest crush on you back then.” 

“Seriously?” Derek asked, “Why?” 

“Why not? You were older and I thought you were so cute. I remember I brought you a Valentine’s Day card but you didn’t come that day and then I don’t remember seeing you anymore after that.” 

“Yeah, I was here so much back then because my sister had been in a car wreck and was in a coma and it was toward the middle of February when she ended up passing on. So, I guess I probably wouldn’t have been back after Valentine’s.” 

“I’m sorry about your sister,” Stiles said, leaning over and placing a hand on Derek’s elbow. 

“It’s okay. I miss her a lot, but I don’t really want to talk about it. Someday I’ll tell you about her, but I just can’t today, way too tired.” 

“Oh, yeah, no for sure. We can talk about it whenever.” 

“I do want to hear more about this Valentine you got me, though.” Derek said, a small grin tugging at his lips. 

Stiles laughed. “It was a Power Rangers one. I made it myself and I was actually quite proud of it. I could possibly still have it; I have a bit of a hoarding problem.” 

“You have got to promise me you’ll look for it.” 

“I’ll look through some old boxes and see what I can do,” Stiles said. He sat there for a moment after that and just stared at Derek, his smile gigantic, before looking over at the clock and giving a little start. 

“Shit, I was supposed to meet my dad like 10 minutes ago. We’re going camping. I’ll be back the day after tomorrow…so I guess I’ll see you then?” 

“I’ll be here,” Derek said, a coldness running through him with the realization he would most likely have no one to talk to tomorrow. He had gotten way too used to having Stiles around. 

“Okay, cool. I gotta run,” Stiles said, getting up and hovering by the bed for just a moment and for the faintest hint of a second Derek thought he was going to say something else, but then he was moving again, heading for the door and getting out his phone, and Derek knew he had just been imagining things. 

Derek woke up late the next day, and was surprised to see Isaac sitting in Stiles’ usual chair. 

“Hey, sorry I haven’t been around in a while,” he said, avoiding Derek’s eye. 

“Oh, no, it’s fine. I mean you’ve probably been busy, and there’s a student worker here who is pretty cool so he’s been around a lot.” 

“Oh, really? Is he hot?” Isaac asked. 

Derek had come out to him in ninth grade. Derek had just grown sick of no one knowing. So, in the middle of a super intense Mario Kart battle Derek had just blurted it out a simple, “I’m gay.” Isaac had said, “If you’re trying to throw me off it’s not going to work. I’ve known for forever now. It’s whatever,” and they had kept on playing. 

“He’s pretty attractive, yeah. He’s got a buzz cut which is a little weird, but it fits him.” 

“You totally like him, don’t you?” Isaac asked. 

“Why do you even think that?” 

“Because I know you, and I know your type. He works at a hospital, so I feel like he has medical aspirations, so he’s smart. I know you don’t really call anyone hot so if you said he was despite a fucking BUZZ CUT he has to be smoking, and he’s been by a lot without bothering you which is next to impossible, so he has to be fun.” 

“You know too much,” Derek said rolling his eyes.

“It’s a gift,” Isaac said, smirking, “So, you do like him?” 

“I shouldn’t and nothing’s going to come from it, but yeah, I do.” 

“Is he gay? Dude, go for it.”

“He’s bi, but I can’t.” 

“Dude, what the hell, why?” 

Derek motioned around him vaguely at the walls of the hospital and all the machines that were keeping track of the fact he wasn’t really getting any better. 

“Just because you’re sick doesn’t mean you can’t fall in love or have some fun.” 

“Isaac, I’m not just “sick” I have cancer. There is a good chance I will die. You can’t just tip toe around that, and act like it’s not a problem or something to consider.” 

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…I shouldn’t have said it like that.” 

“It’s okay.” 

“But, I still think you should go for it. The threat of death is more real for you and that’s rough, more rough than I could ever understand, but you still have a lot to offer someone and it it’s meant to happen I think you should let it.” 

Isaac had a point but Derek still didn’t think it was really fair of him to date someone when they wouldn’t even be able to go on real dates or anything. Derek didn’t want Stiles to feel like he had to spend even more time at the hospital than he already was. The boy was already there for crazy amounts of time. He decided he would consider it, but Stiles wouldn’t want to date him anyway so it was going to be a moot point.

“I’ll consider it, if he ever even shows any interest,” Derek said, and Isaac pumped his fist triumphantly. 

“That’s all I ask.” 

***

Stiles came in the next day with something hidden behind his back and Derek leaned forward excitedly, “Oh my god, did you find the valentine?” 

“I did indeed,” Stiles replied pulling a giant construction paper heart out from behind his back. He handed it over to Derek, who took it in greedily. Stiles had cut out pictures of the Power Rangers from magazines and then wrote him a little note in giant sprawling sloppy handwriting. 

It read: You are cute and seem fun. Will you be my valentine? We could play N64 together all day.

Derek laughed happily, “I can’t believe you made me this.” 

Stiles smiled, “I actually really have to go. I’m supposed to be meeting Scott, but I just wanted to show you that since I found it.”

Derek’s stomach dropped in disappointment at the fact that Stiles was leaving so soon, but he was glad he had found the Valentine. 

“Here,” he said holding it back out to Stiles. 

“No, you should keep it. After all it was intended for you.” Stiles said, smiling at him warmly before heading for the door. Derek smiled at his back as he left glad that Stiles had said that, and put the valentine on the table next to him. He picked up a book and started to read it, but woke up a few hours later, having drifted off shortly after opening the book. 

The hospital felt too quiet without Stiles there so he turned on the TV flipping through the channels until he landed on the fairy tale show he had watched some of before. He wanted to find out what it was called so he could ask Stiles about it. He eventually fell back asleep, not waking up until early the next afternoon. He was feeling nauseous from the chemo despite the nurse having just given him some anti-nausea medicine so he was afraid to move around too much. He spent the next few hours listening to music and doing crossword puzzles. 

Stiles was usually off by around six so when it hit 6:15 and he wasn’t there yet Derek started getting kind of nervous that he wasn’t going to come, but at 6:21 he walked in. “Sorry, they had me scrubbing bed pans,” he said by way of explanation. He stood there for a moment biting his lip before beginning to pace. 

For a moment Derek just watched his progress but after a while he couldn’t stand it anymore, “Stiles what the hell are you doing?” 

“I just really need to ask you something because I’m just really tired of not knowing and my friend Scott was like ‘you should totally just ask him’ and I was like ‘but there’s no way he does’ but Scott was like ‘you’re a…you know…attractive guy and he totally probably does’” Derek was getting a headache trying to keep up with what Stiles was saying.

“Stiles stop. I don’t have any idea what the fuck you’re talking about. Explain please.” 

“Right,” Stiles said drawing in a huge breath that puffed out his cheeks, before letting it out slowly.

“Here’s the thing. I like you…so uh, you know, do you like me too?”

That is the last thing in the world Derek ever expected to hear from anyone and for a moment he just sat there, entirely convinced that he had misunderstood or that Stiles was going to follow that up with a “just kidding” and then dance around the room laughing at him, but he paused a moment too long, and Stiles face fell and he started stammering, “I’m sorry, that was really dumb. I really don’t know why I thought that was a good idea, and if you’ll excuse me, I have to go kill Scott now,” and he turned to leave the room. 

“Stiles stop…” Derek said, and then more quietly, “I do.” 

“You do?” Stiles asked turning back slowly on his heels.

“I do.” 

“Oh,” Stiles said an easy smile spreading over his face. 

“So, are you just going to hover in the doorway all night oooor,” Derek asked. 

“Oh, no,” Stiles responded smiling bigger and taking a seat next to Derek’s bed, swinging his legs over the arm of the chair. 

They sat there silently for a moment, neither of them really sure what to do, before Stiles got up and hovered by the bed, “Uh, do you mind if I…” he trailed off there but made a vague gesture toward the bed beside Derek.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Derek said scooting over so that Stiles could crawl in next to him. Hospital beds are some of the smallest, most uncomfortable beds in the world, so laying next to Stiles on it was more awkward than romantic, but the newness of their feelings being out in the open gave the room a tangible energy, a buzzing that Derek could almost feel. 

Stiles was grinning next to him, looking more relaxed than Derek felt. Stiles reached for Derek’s hand tracing his fingers over the lines of Derek’s bones. Derek’s heart rate picked up a little, a nervous anticipation surging through his body. Stiles threaded their fingers together, grasping his hand lightly, and his bones were achy from the chemo, but the warmth from Stiles' hand was worth the pain. Derek smiled slightly, turning to look at Stiles who chose that moment to lean in for a kiss. He missed, hitting his cheek instead, and let out a nervous bark of laughter. 

“Wow, I am a lot more nervous than I thought I was going to be. Can you tell?” Stiles asked, a smile stretching across his lips. 

“Not at all, you’re very smooth,” Derek teased, nudging him lightly with his elbow. “You’re not about to tell me this is your first kiss, though, are you?” 

“Oh, god, no. But it is the first one that really means something to me,” Stiles admitted, avoiding Derek’s gaze. 

Derek smiled slightly in response, “Yeah, I mean, not to put any pressure on you or anything, but this could be the last first kiss of a relationship I ever have the chance to have.” 

“Ugh, don’t say that. You are not going to die. You will have more first kisses, but uh okay, let’s try that again,” Stiles said, turning more toward Derek and leaning into him pressing their lips together lightly, his upper body twisted, his hand by Derek’s waist.

Suddenly there was a noise by Derek’s door and Stiles launched himself backwards as his dad came in the room. 

“Sti- Oh,” his dad said, going slightly red as he took in the sight of them on the bed together. Stiles scrambled out of the bed almost getting tangled in the sheets and Derek was just really thankful they had only been kissing, not that they probably would have been doing anything more at this point, but he had to stop that thought there before he got carried away. 

“Yeah, dad?” Stiles asked, smoothing his face into an innocent expression. Stiles was shifting around on the balls of his feet nervously and Derek could practically hear his heart thundering in his chest from the embarrassment of the situation.   

“I thought we were going to meet and go get some dinner,” his dad said, shuffling awkwardly in the doorway, giving the two of them pained expressions. 

“Oh, right, right, yeah, I’m coming,” he said, looking back at Derek apologetically. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he mumbled. 

As Stiles walked out of the door Derek heard the sheriff say, “I see you finally made a move.” 

Derek watched TV alone for a few hours, thinking about the fact that he had probably watched more TV in the past few months that he had his entire life before then. He didn’t really like a lot of the shows but it was one of the only things he had enough energy for these days.

Stiles came back later, apologizing for how abruptly he had had to leave earlier. 

“It’s okay,” Derek said. “You didn’t have to come back and explain yourself."

“I wanted to come back though. I thought we could watch a movie,” he said, holding up a case that Derek hadn’t noticed him carrying before.

Derek nodded, “Yeah, that sounds fun,” he said and Stiles put it in before flopping himself into the recliner next to Derek’s bed. 

“The bed is more comfortable than that thing, you know.” Derek said trying to sound nonchalant. 

“Is that an invitation?” Stiles asked. 

“If you want it to be,” Derek replied shifting over to make room for Stiles, who got up and crawled into bed beside him. They watched the first part of the movie in a silence that while it wasn’t entirely uncomfortable wasn’t exactly comfortable either, but Stiles broke it by saying, “My dad was really stoked by the way. The fact that we’re kind of dating or whatever. Are we dating? I told him we were so I hope you say yes.” 

“I would like for the answer to that question to be yes, so I suppose we are,” Derek responded. 

“Okay, good,” Stiles replied, smiling bigger, “Well, anyway like I said my dad was happy but I’m supposed to tell you that he says he doesn’t care if you have cancer he will still happily drag your ass to jail if you hurt me.” 

“I’m not gonna lie, I am actually a little intimidated now that you’ve said that,” Derek said, laughing. “But I don’t plan on hurting you, so I don’t guess it’ll be a problem. 

 They fell asleep watching the movie again.

 Derek was jerked awake a few hours later with Nurse Shirley yelling at them, he barely had time to register Stiles’ head on his shoulder before Stiles was processing what she was screaming about and moving off of him. “Stilinski, what in the world are you still doing here? And in a patient’s bed nonetheless?” she screeched. 

“Oh, uh, well you see he’s my, uh, boyfriend,” Stiles said, and even though they were in trouble Derek’s heart still did a somersault at the sound of Stiles referring to him as his boyfriend, “And I came to see him during visiting hours and must have fallen asleep. I’m very sorry it won’t happen again.” 

“It better not,” she said, “I don’t want to have to report you,” she said glaring at them both for a moment before leaving the room. 

“That was a close one,” Stiles breathed, heaving out a sigh before saying, “Oh my god, I’m late for curfew again. My dad is going to kill me I swear. I have to go.” and kissing Derek softly before gathering up his things and sweeping out the door. 

The next day Peter came into his room with a smug expression. “So, the nurses told me that you’re dating that Stiles kid now,” he said. 

 “I hate the nurses, all of them, but if you must know we are,” Derek said. 

Peter smirked at him, “Well, I’m happy for you.” 

Derek cracked a smile despite his annoyance, “I’m really happy too,” he said, “and god knows I can use all the happiness I can get.” 

****

 “So, I brought you something,” Stiles said, his hands behind his back as he approached Derek’s bed the next day.

“Oh, really? What could that be?” Derek asked.

“Well, first of all, a kiss,” Stiles said, hesitantly bending down to peck him on the lips, “but also cookies,” he said pulling them out from behind his back. 

Derek thanked him, grabbing them and eating them quickly. His tates were off becuase of the chemo, but the cookies were still better than anything else he had eaten over the past couple of days. Stiles watched him fondly, sitting down in the recliner by Derek’s bed, and when he was done with the cookies Derek said, “Now, how about a proper kiss.” 

Stiles stood back up, leaning down to kiss Derek deeply, and Derek grabbed onto the collar of Stiles’ shirt desperately. He was hit with a sudden wave of nausea soon after that and he had to push Stiles off of him. 

“I’m going to throw up, but they have me hooked up to an IV so I can’t get up,” Derek said, going red, and feeling panicked. Stiles took it in stride though spinning around and finding a bedpan in one of the cabinets of the room and handing it to Derek. Derek wretched and there was a sickening splattering sound as he threw up what looked to be the entire contents of his stomach. 

“Ugh, I’m sorry,” Derek said, wincing in pain and embarrassment. 

“Derek, don’t worry about it. You’re sick; you can’t help it. I do work here remember? I promise I’ve seen worse.” 

“But we were just kissing and now you probably think I’m gross and what would have happened if I did that while we were kissing?” 

“It would have been fine,” Stiles said, and Derek shot him a weird look so he clarified, “Well, I mean, I don’t want it to happen or anything. It’s not some weird kink of mine, but if it had happened I would have rinsed my mouth out and moved on with my life. I promise, you’re fine.” 

Derek was still extremely embarrassed, but it definitely helped that Stiles was so unbothered by it. He had definitely gotten lucky when this boy stumbled into his room that first night. He didn’t know what he would do without him now. 

“I brought you something else too,” Stiles said, pulling something black and fuzzy out of his pocket and handing it to Derek. 

Derek took it from and saw that it was a black beanie. 

“Uh, I noticed that the chemo was starting to kick in on the hair loss front, and the idea of you bald felt weird to me. So, I don’t know, a hat just seemed like a good idea.” 

“Thank you,” Derek said, a smile overtaking his features. 

 ***

Isaac came by to play Mario Kart with him the next day. They were in the middle of an incredibly intense race, the two of them constantly switching back and forth between first place, when Derek saw Stiles outside his door. Stiles looked in at him and smiled, but then turned around and left. 

Derek watched him go for a moment, distracted by the way his ass looked in the pair of scrubs he was wearing. He fell off the side of the track and Isaac looked around to see what was up. 

“Is that Stiles?” he asked, following Derek’s line of vision. 

“Yeah,” Derek replied, looking back up at the TV, trying to catch back up with Isaac.

“Why didn’t he come in?” 

“I’m hoping it’s just because he didn’t want to interrupt us and not because I threw up yesterday,” Derek answered.

 “You threw up?” Isaac asked, “On him?” 

“Not on him, no, but close enough. We had been kissing not even two seconds before.” 

“And he didn’t freak out? Wow, he is the perfect man.” 

“Thanks for your comforting words, Isaac,” Derek replied snarkily. “That was really helpful.” 

 “No problem, man.” Isaac replied smiling widely. 

 A doctor came in after that and asked Isaac if he would leave for awhile. So, that he could talk to Derek. 

Isaac glared at the doctor but when he didn’t look like he was going to change his mind, Isaac just sighed loudly and told Derek he would come back by soon.

 Derek nodded feeling annoyed with the doctor. 

“We’re going to try a few different medicines for the increased pain you've been feeling,” the doctor said, oblivious to Derek’s frustration. “This one has a tendency to give people insomnia but we unfortunately can’t give you any sleeping pills with it, so I am sorry if that happens.”

“It’s fine, everything else already sucks so why should it matter if I have a few less hours of sleep,” Derek said, grimacing slightly.  

***

“How have you been?” Stiles asked coming into Derek’s room, “I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to come by and see you yesterday.” 

“They switched some of my medicines up yesterday and it is giving me major insomnia, and I was already having trouble sleeping before that. I’ve slept five hours total the past three days.” 

“Dude, that sucks,” Stiles empathized. 

“The hospital is maddeningly quiet during the night. I swear to god it’s going to drive me insane.”

“Well, I don’t work tomorrow. How about I go grab some stuff and come back here and chill with you all night?” 

“But visiting hours,” Derek reminded him. 

“Please, the nurses love me, Shirley doesn’t work tonight, and my dad is the sheriff. No one is going to kick me out.” 

“Are you sure?” Derek asked. 

“Positive,” Stiles said, “My dad is out of town on secret police business anyway so I was going to be all alone tonight too. I’m just going to go grab some movies and comic books and shit. I’ll be back in like an hour tops. Do you want me to bring you anything to eat?” 

“Cheese fries would be awesome, but you don’t have to.” 

“Oh, man, no, now that you say that I really want some too, so not a problem at all,” Stiles said, standing up and hovering by Derek’s bed. “Okay, I’ll be right back.” He bent over and kissed Derek lightly on the lips.

Derek turned on the TV after Stiles left, flipping through the channels for a while before landing on some mind numbing show about a family with way too many kids. 

 Stiles was back soon enough, though. He came in wearing his backpack and carrying a bag from Steak and Shake along with two milkshakes. He gave Derek his shake and the fries and pulled out a salad, “I got you this too, because I do want you to be healthy, I just think you should be able to have some fun as well.” 

Derek dug into the fries and took a few nibbles of the salad as well, “Thank you.” 

“No problem,” Stiles said, unloading all the comic books and movies he had brought which seemed to consist largely of Spider-Man, Deadpool, and Black Widow comics as well as horror movies. 

“I see you really like Marvel Comics,” Derek said. 

“Oh, yeah. Where do you think I learned my great sarcasm skills from?” 

“Spider-Man and Deadpool are quite sarcastic,” Derek agreed. “So, what movie are we watching first tonight?” 

“I’m continuing your horror movie education with Nosferatu. It’s a silent film from Germany, but it’s pretty creepy for such an old movie.” 

“What’s it about?” 

“A vampire, it's basically a rip off of Dracula. The makers of the film actually got sued by Bram Stoker's estate.” 

“Alright, put it in,” Derek said. 

After the movie was over Stiles got out one of the issues of Spider-Man and made Derek look at it with him. “I just love this arc so much. Spider-man is such a wise ass in it.” They looked through a few issues together for a couple of hours, Stiles pointing out artwork that he really liked and Derek relaying the story of the time that he had asked for an issue of Iron Man for Christmas and his sister had gone to great lengths to find it for him, eventually having to drive to a town three hours away to pick it up.

At around two in the morning Stiles said, “You really should try to sleep.” 

“I can’t,” Derek responded. 

“You know what always helps me sleep?” Stiles asked a dangerous smirk appearing on his lips. 

“What? Derek asked flinching slightly when Stiles puts his ice-cold fingers on his knee, trailing them painfully slow up his thigh. 

“An orgasm,” Stiles said pressing his fingers lightly above the waistband of Derek’s boxer briefs causing him to shiver slightly. 

“Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I last got off? Masturbating is next to impossible in the hospital.” Derek said his hips bucking up slightly with need as Stiles pulled his underwear off. 

“No wonder you’re always so cranky,” Stiles said, “I got off last night,” he leaned over to whisper in Derek’s ear, his breath hot and wet against his cheek. “My dad was already gone so I got to be as loud as I wanted. I imagined it was you the whole time. First with your hand and then as I got closer I imagined you switched to your mouth. I bet those lips of yours would feel great on my skin, and when I came I was screaming your name.”

Derek felt himself start to get hard as he pictured that and when Stiles grabbed some lotion off the table next to Derek’s bed and pumped some into his hand and paused briefly his hand hovering over Derek’s dick, waiting for the okay to go ahead. Derek nodded, stomach tightening in anticipation and Stiles slid his hand loosely over Derek’s dick a few times, and Derek rocked his hips up slightly needing more contact. 

“Stiles…faster…please,” he said, his speech already broken with want. Derek had been feeling terrible these past few days. His body in more pain than usual and cold sores blistering up by his lips, as well as the neverending exhaustion and a slight fever. He found it hard to imagine that Stiles could still find him attractive with all of that going on so the fact that he had thought of Derek while getting himself off was a major turn on.

Stiles tightened his grip a little and pumped his arm more quickly. Derek groaned slightly trying to remain quiet. “Tell me more about how you touched yourself.” 

Stiles smirk grew, “I came straight out of the shower and laid down naked on my bed. I slid my hand really slowly at first thinking of how incredibly hot you must be when you’re naked.”

Derek bit his lip slightly, trying not to moan, the fact that Stiles had pictured him naked while touching himself was the hottest thing that had ever happened to him. 

“By then I was so horny that my legs were trembling and I needed to come so I sped up and imagined it was your hand instead of mine. I was so hard and dripping come kind of like you right now.” 

Derek swallowed down another moan and tensed his leg muscles, they burned with an achy pain but the pleasure he felt from Stiles' hand made it worth it; he was so close to coming. 

“Then, I pictured you crawling on top of me and using your lips instead. By that time I was moaning and shaking and after a few more moments I came so hard I saw stars and choked out your name. Then I waited a little while and did it all over again.” 

At that Derek lost it, he choked out a garbled moan that Stiles silenced with a kiss before it got too loud and came all over his thighs. 

“Was that okay?” Stiles asked pulling back a little. 

“Perfect,” Derek replied, dragging Stiles back down to him and giving him another kiss, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth and kneading it gently. 

“I should clean us off before someone comes in here to check on you.” 

Stiles went into the tiny bathroom connected to Derek’s room and wet a washcloth, bringing it back in and wiping up Derek’s thighs with short swooping strokes, sending shivers up Derek’s goose bumped skin. He knew a lot of people had trouble with sex while undergoing chemo and he was glad that didn’t seem to be the case for him, having cancer was hell in itself, he didn’t need side effects like that ruining the few good times he got to have. 

“Sleep with me?” Derek asked quietly, barely loud enough for Stiles to even hear. 

“Yeah,” Stiles said, watching Derek curl up on his side before crawling into bed next to him. He placed his hands on Derek’s hip and pulled him closer, slotting their legs together. 

“Okay, I want you to try something, this always used to help my mom when she had insomnia to relax and fall asleep and then after she passed away I started doing it when I was just too wound up or anxious to sleep. Tighten and then relax all of the muscles in your body individually, thinking carefully about each one. It’ll also just help you to focus your mind on one thing instead of different thoughts running through.” 

Derek closed his eyes and did what Stiles had asked, clenching and unclenching muscles slowly starting at the top of his body and working his way down. Stiles wound his arm underneath of Derek and nuzzled his head against his chest. 

Derek opened his eyes blearily a few hours later when a nurse entered the room. He panicked over the fact that Stiles was still in the bed with him way past visiting hours but she just smiled at him when he jumped and held a finger up to her lips. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell,” she mouthed handing Derek some medicine and watching him take it. “I think it’s good for you to have someone like him. He’s a good kid, and so are you. You compliment each other well.” 

Derek drifted back to sleep and when he woke up he felt a note stuck to his forehead.

_ Hey,  _

_ I didn’t want to wake you up but I had to go meet my dad for breakfast. I’ll see you tonight. I hope you feel better today. _

_ Stiles _

Derek smiled at it and put it on the table beside his bed, before turning over and drifting back to sleep for a while.  

Later that night Stiles came by and they played more Mario Kart. “So, what are you doing for Christmas tomorrow?” Derek asked at one point, trying and (miserably) failing to sound nonchalant. 

“Well, in the morning, my dad and I always go get pancakes and donuts and then we’ll come home and unwrap presents and then I was thinking I’d come by here. Would that be okay? I understand if you just want to be with your uncle tomorrow, you know, family time and all.” 

“No, please come, that would be really nice. Plus, I have a present for you,” he said, nervously mumbling the last part. 

“Really? Awesome I got you one too,” Stiles said grinning excitedly, his eyes shining. 

The next day, the nurses came by multiple times an hour. They were wearing elf ears and Santa hats and wishing him a Merry Christmas and he knew they were just trying to make people feel better about being in the hospital on Christmas, but it was getting a little tiresome. He just wanted Stiles to get there already and finally take his mind off the fact he was spending Christmas in the fucking hospital. At around noon his wishes were answered when Stiles came in the room. He was carrying a plate of food in one hand and a fairly large box under the other arm.

“Hey, uh, we had a lot of leftovers so I snuck some out so that you could eat some real food today,” Stiles said, handing him the plate and a fork.

“Oh, wow, that’s awesome,” Derek said taking the tin foil off the top of the plate and taking a few timid bites.  “Who cooked this? This is amazing.” He was just glad to be eating food that hadn’t come from the cafeteria but it was really incredible despite his alterted tastes from the chemo. 

 “Well, I could lie and say me, but I won’t. My dad did it. He’s been cooking for the two of us for quite a while and at first he was atrocious but he's gotten pretty good, now. Do you want to open your present now?” Stiles asked. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Derek said, shoving the plate out of the way so that Stiles could plop the present down into his lap. Derek ripped the paper off the present eagerly and ripped into the box to find a framed picture of the two of them that Stiles had taken the other day and a few DVDs. 

“I thought the picture might just put more of a personal touch to your room, you know, make it a little less boring. Then the movies are because I know you’re running out of things to keep you entertained. Plus, I wanted to be the person who gave you the first DVDs you ever owned.”

“Wow, thank you. I look less sick than I expected to in this picture and it will definitely make the place a little less boring. Any reason for these specific DVDs?” he asked pulling them out and taking a closer look. 

“I got you your own copy of The Wolf Man, because everyone should own that, and then I got you some of my favorite non horror movies,” Stiles explained, “We can watch this one together later,” Stiles said pointing to a DVD that was called Pan’s Labyrinth. It’s creepy, but not a horror film. It’s also in Spanish.” 

“Oh, yeah, I’ve heard of that. It sounds cool,” Derek said, smiling, “Okay, now it’s your turn,” he said pulling a flat box out from behind his bed and handing it over to Stiles who looked like he could barely contain his excitement. 

“I really hope you don’t already have it,” he said. 

Stiles opened it up excitedly, eyes widening, “No way, you did not get me this. Are you kidding me? This had to have been way too fucking expensive. You are joking. This is a joke, right?” 

“I’m assuming that means you don’t have it,” Derek said, grinning widely. 

Derek had gotten him a rare issue of The Amazing Spider-Man, number 300, the first true appearance of Venom and the 25 th anniversary special, in pristine condition. 

“I called around to all the places around here that sell comic books and asked them if they had any really good or rare Spider-Man or Black Widow comics and this place only like 10 minutes from here said they had this one, and I know you like Venom and therefore hate the third Spider-Man movie, but would probably really like this comic.” 

“I can’t accept this. It had to be way too expensive. No way,” Stiles said. 

“Don’t be ridiculous. It really wasn’t that big of a deal,” Derek said, brushing it off. 

“Oh my god, this is amazing. I seriously cannot believe you got me this. I don’t even want to read it. I never want to touch it. I want to like frame it or something,” Stiles said, placing it on the desk beside Derek’s bed. “Do you want to watch Pan’s Labyrinth now?” he asked, reaching out to grab the dvd. 

“Yeah, that’d be cool,” Derek responded.  

Later after the movie went off Stiles was laid across the end of Derek’s bed, his head hanging off the bed slightly as he tried to study his Spanish book for a test he had after classes started back up. 

“Estoy pensando de besarte ahorita.” Stiles said and Derek looked over at him smirking. 

“Oh, really?” he asked before pulling Stiles too him, connecting their lips in a slow and soft kiss. Stiles smiled but went back to studying and Derek eventually drifted off to sleep. When he woke up the book Stiles had been reading was laying open on the floor and Stiles himself was curled up on the bed. Derek shook his shoulder slightly, “Stiles, come up here, lay on the bed right so that you’re more comfortable.” 

He didn’t really wake up all the way but he moved so that he was laying on the bed in a more comfortable way. Derek wrapped his arms around him holding him close and went back to sleep. When he woke up Stiles told him that he was going to go camping with his dad for a few days, a post Christmas tradition they had. Derek wished that he was well so that he would be able to go to if they would have him. He and Stiles could have roasted marshmallows together and exchanged hushed stories over the dying campfire all night long. 

Derek spent the next few days struggling to sleep. Isaac came to visit him a few times and his uncle spent pretty much the whole day there everyday, knowing that Derek was lonely without Stiles and also just not wanting him to be alone when it had just been Christmas. 

On the day that Stiles was supposed to get back from camping with his dad he came into Derek’s room a little bit after six and came over to him, sliding his fingers over Derek's shoulders and kissing him hard. He moved his hand to his neck, brushing his thumb over Derek’s adam’s apple and running his tongue over Derek’s lower lip, sucking it into his mouth and nipping at it gently. 

“Wow, what has gotten into you?” Derek asked, pulling away to catch his breath. 

“I was camping with my dad for three days and then had to come straight to work. I have had zero alone time and I am used to getting myself off at least once a day, sometimes more than that. Do you have any idea how horny I am right now?” 

“Well, come a little closer and I can help you out with that if you want,” Derek said, smirking dangerously. 

“I like the sound of that,” Stiles said crossing back across the room to make sure the door was shut securely. He moved back toward the bed, “How do you want to do this?”  

“Just come here,” Derek said, reaching out and grabbing onto his shirt, trying to tug him closer. He didn’t have a lot of strength these days, but Stiles got the hint and stumbled forward. 

“Well, somebody evidently likes it rough,” Stiles said, his voice a little hoarse with need. 

“I just really want you,” Derek said, pulling him forward more so that Stiles had to crawl onto the bed with him. He reached down and ran a hand over Stiles’ crotch smiling as he felt Stiles get hard. He unbuttoned Stiles pants and paused for a moment before unzipping them, pulling Stiles close and connecting their lips, dragging his tongue quickly across Stiles’ lower lip, sucking it between his teeth. 

Stiles began practically panting. 

“Is this okay?” Derek asked. “I want to make you feel good.” 

“Yes, definitely,” Stiles said, his breathing ragged. “How do you feel?”

“I’m tired, but not exhausted. Good enough to do this.”  

Derek pushed Stiles’ jeans past his ass roughly, and scrabbled his fingernails over Stiles’ waist and lower stomach. He pumped some lotion into his hand and began moving his hand slowly up and down Stiles’ dick. Stiles shuddered slightly on top of him, dropping his head so that his forehead was resting on Derek’s shoulder lightly. Derek smiled, moving his hand faster, and then slowing down again, trying to draw out how long it would be before Stiles came, knowing that the orgasm was always sweeter the longer you worked toward it. 

Stiles breath caught in his throat and Derek sped up again nudging Stiles’ head with his shoulder so that he would look up at him, before moving in for a kiss. Stiles’ cheeks were flushed and he kissed Derek with a hungry intensity moaning slightly as Derek repeatedly drug his bottom lip between his teeth licking at his teeth and the inside of his lip. 

“Derek, please, faster,” Stiles choked out rocking his hips slightly and tangling his fists in the sheets.  Derek sped up slightly, pulling roughly. Noises were tumbling out of Stiles’ mouth in uncontrollable fits and Derek was kissing him hard, trying to mute the noise as to not attract any unwanted attention. He felt Stiles’ legs trembling and he gave him a few more slow tugs and Stiles’ came all over both his own and Derek’s stomach before rolling off of him, laying down beside him. 

They laid there for a little while, holding each other peacefully, before Stiles got up, dressing himself and cleaning both of them off. “I didn’t hurt you, did I? You look so fragile these days.” 

Derek grimaced and Stiles was quick to add, “Really hot, obviously, but fragile nonetheless.” 

“I’m okay,” Derek said. He was extremely exhausted from the effort it had taken though. 

“I really, really want to stay,” Stiles said, “but it’s getting late and my dad will kill me. Plus, I have work early in the morning.” 

“Just play one round of Mario Kart with me?” Derek asked. 

“Fine, one round,” Stiles said, caving easily. 

They ended up playing four rounds before Stiles got up, “I really, really have to go now,” he said, kissing Derek on the forehead briefly.

“Not until I get a real kiss,” Derek said, pulling him back down and connecting their lips. Stiles smiled into the kiss and Derek pulled him closer.  

Stiles pulled away though, “I really, really have to go. I’ll be back tomorrow.” 

“Fine,” Derek said, watching him leave and turning over on his side. He drifted off to sleep easily, completely exhausted.

He woke up in the morning when the doctor came into his room, Peter following close behind, both of their expressions decidedly grim. The doctor pulled a chair up to the edge of Derek’s bed, he steepled his fingers and rested his chin on his thumbs. 

“The chemo isn’t working as well as we had hoped. The cancer is just too aggressive, and we’re out of options to explore,” he said emphatically. 

Derek’s stomach clenched, an iciness running through him, “How much longer do I have?” he asked willing himself not to cry. 

“I don’t really like giving a time frame. I could say a time and you could die tomorrow or live 50 more years,” he started before Derek cut him off.

“Cut the bullshit. How long do you think I have? I know it’s an estimate, and I know it can be wrong, but I want to know and I think I have that right.” 

“I told you he was going to be pissed if you tried that shit with him,” Peter said from the doorway, his frown momentarily flickering up into a grin. 

“Three weeks,” the doctor said, confirming Derek’s fear. He wasn’t getting better and it was really, really bad, and about to get worse. He thought of Stiles and all of the times he was never going to get to share with him that he had wanted to. He wouldn’t be able to go to Stiles’ prom with him, wouldn’t be able to see him graduate from high school or get accepted to college. They were young and it was hard to tell if Stiles was the one he would have spent his entire life with or not but now he wasn’t even going to get the chance to see. 

His eyes burned with the effort to keep the tears from spilling over. The doctor left the room, mumbling apologies that Derek didn’t hear or even care about at all. 

“Do I even get to go home,” Derek asked. 

His uncle’s sad pause was the only answer he needed and he let the tears finally spill over, no longer caring enough to restrain them. His uncle sat with him for hours, letting him vent. Once it got late, though, Derek made him go home. He laid on the hospital bed and thought of how he could possibly tell Stiles everything he still wanted to make sure he knew. His eyes landed on the camera his uncle had brought him from home the other day. Stiles had asked him if he had one because he wanted to take some pictures of them together. Derek knew what he wanted to do. He called a nurse in to bring him the camera, too exhausted to fool with maneuvering around the IV to get up and get himself and got started. 

For the first week after that Derek felt the same and he started becoming almost hopeful that the doctor had been wrong, maybe the chemo was finally working and he was getting better. If he was dying shouldn’t he feel worse than this? Halfway through the second week though he started sleeping all the time. He went from near constant insomnia to sleeping 16 hours a day. He would wake up every once in a while in different states of consciousness. 

Stiles was almost always there if Derek woke up after school or work, but Derek couldn’t stay awake long enough to do anything with him, couldn’t even kiss him, let alone play games or watch movies or carry on a conversation. He went through days where he was only awake for four hours at the most and even those four hours felt like a dream. He could see his uncle, or Isaac, or Stiles, or even Stiles’ father but it was like he was looking at them from behind a sheet of water. When they spoke to him it was garbled and hard for him to understand and it took him so long to come up with an answer that he hardly ever even bothered to try anymore. 

He stopped being able to eat or even drink on his own and became entirely reliant on the IV to give him all the nutrition he needed. He was freezing cold and always shivering violently no matter how many blankets they layered on top of him. His arms and legs felt too heavy to move anymore and he could barely even open his eyes. 

He was confused almost constantly, never really sure of the time of day or the day of the week anymore. He felt lost and disoriented and could barely even breathe. One day, though, he woke up feeling a little less foggy. He had enough consciousness to recognize that his uncle and Stiles were both in the room. Stiles noticed that he had woken up and crossed the room to grab onto his hand. 

“Hey, how are you feeling? Can you hear me today?” he asked. 

Derek was confused, had there been a time where he had been awake but unable to hear what Stiles was saying. Derek nodded, feeling like the movement took a tremendous amount of effort, but the movement of his head sent a sudden wave of nausea threw him and he wretched throwing up all over his chest and stomach. Stiles winced, but from concern not disgust, Derek could still tell that much even though it felt like he had just thrown up his entire stomach. He wretched again, his head lolling to the side, and a pool of chunky dark brown liquid hit the floor. Stiles cried out in surprise and called for a nurse. Derek wretched again this time blood hitting the floor, and laid on his side hanging just a little bit off the side of the bed. The brief moment of clarity he had been having transformed back into fogginess. His mind was reeling trying to keep up with everything that was going on. He could hear someone crying somewhere, could hear the multiple thumps of footsteps as doctors and nurses ran into the room, could feel Stiles’ warm hand slipping into his own for just a moment before it was ripped away, a nurse pushing him out of the room. Darkness kept trying to overtake his vision but he blinked it away and looked around. He saw Stiles just outside of his room watching through the windows, his uncle standing behind him, crying but still trying to comfort Stiles, and he tried to get his mouth to work, tried to gather his thoughts, tried to force his tongue to move in the right way to tell them to tell Stiles that he loved him and that he was sorry, but the words wouldn’t come out and he blinked his eyes shut, giving in to the darkness that was overwhelming his vision once again.

 Epilogue (Stiles’ POV)- 5 Months Later

Stiles rides his bike there. It gives him more time to clear his head. For the fifteen minutes it takes him to get there he can breathe again. Push everything out of his mind and focus on his breathing, the steady rise and fall of his legs, the burning in his calf muscles. But then he gets there, rides through the archway and pulls past the statues. He throws on his brakes and gets off the bike, shoving it aside and plopping down on the grass, and it’s back, the ragged bruised feeling in his chest, the tightness, the prickly feeling behind his eyes, the threat of tears. 

He takes off his backpack and pulls out his laptop putting in his headphones so that he can block out the world, pretend for just a little while that things are back to normal, just him and Derek, the way things were before, the way things were always supposed to be. 

He clicks on a video file on the desktop, pulling it up, and letting it play. Derek’s pale face fills most of the screen, the purple bruising around his eyes less pronounced in the video than it had been in real life, a slight sheen covering his skin, cold sores cracking around his lips. 

“Stiles, I’m almost out of time. I know I am and I know you do too, deep down, wether you’re admitting it to yourself or not. There are so many more things I wanted to teach you, so many more things I wanted to show you, so many more things I wanted to make you believe about yourself…” 

Derek trails off there for a moment, there’s a cut, and he’s back on screen in a slightly different position. He must have gotten tired and had to continue filming on a different day. 

“This is my chance. My chance to tell you all the things I wasn’t brave enough to tell you in person. You were the best thing that has ever happened to me. You showed me so much. You taught me so much about life and what it feels like to love someone so much that it physically hurts. What it feels like to want so badly to keep someone safe that it feels like everything inside you is splintering when they’re upset, but then they touch you and it’s like you don’t even understand how you lived so much life without that touch. You taught me how great it feels to be the person that someone trusts with their entire heart and soul.” 

There’s another cut here and Derek comes back up on screen looking more sick than before but still so beautiful that it actually hurts Stiles to remember. 

“You are everything I never knew I needed, and I am so thankful for the time I spent with you. Your wit and humor and even your sarcasm were things I desperately needed. Your contagious smile, your charisma, and your charm all helped me more than you will ever know. 

I know that you suffer more than you let on and I need you to know that you don’t always have to be the rock everyone can depend on. Take care of yourself too. Talk to people when you’re upset. It’s okay to let people know you’re not okay. 

Stiles, I love you. I will always love you, but I need you to promise me that you will let yourself be happy with someone else when that time comes. 

I like to think that you’ll always remember me and that I’ve helped shape your life in some unshakable way, but I couldn’t stand it if the memory of me kept you from anything in the future. 

Go out, live, laugh, be a teenager, take the stupidest college course just because it sounds fun, travel, do exactly what you want to do, and be exactly who you want to be. I believe in you. In every single one of your hopes and dreams and I know you’re going to do big things. I love you. Goodbye.” 

The video freezes on the last shot and Derek’s face is still painful no matter how many times he watches this. No matter how hard he tries to make himself numb to its contents. He shuts the laptop harshly, lying back in the grass and grinding his palms over his closed eyes trying to stop the flow of tears before it starts. 

The first few weeks were the hardest. It was one of the only times of his life where he didn’t even try to seem happy. He went to school, he went to the hospital, he ate and then for the most part he slept. He wanted to spend every single second he could at the cemetery. When he was a kid visiting his mom’s grave had always seemed to heal some part of him that he didn’t even realize was aching before he got there. He knew it would be the same way with Derek’s. 

He didn’t though. He limited himself to only going once a week. He didn’t want to go so much that it lost it’s meaning. 

He was surviving better these days. Scott had stood by him despite the fact he barely spoke to him for a long time after it happened. He slept less these days and was trying to fall into a new rhythm.

He opens his eyes when he hears somebody plop down beside him. 

“Hi,” Scott says, “I figured you’d be here.” 

Stiles nods, “Every Tuesday.” 

Scott nods back, “I don’t mean to ruin your tradition or anything, I just…I wanted to make sure you were okay. I thought maybe every once in a while you might want someone to come with you. So you could talk about him.” 

Stiles nods, trying not to let the tears that were filling in his eyes spill over. Now that Scott has said it he realizes that he wants nothing more than to be able to talk about him for awhile to be able to tell someone all about what made him so special. He closes his eyes and starts talking, knowing that now that he has begun it is going to be hard to stop.  

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the lovely Dee. You can follow me on Tumblr [ here. ](http://laurahaie.tumblr.com)


End file.
